This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
