My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
