Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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