You're my little dorito
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
