i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
