I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
