Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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