Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
