I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
