Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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