My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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