So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
