sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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