OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
