Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
