Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
