i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
