Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
