no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
