i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
