Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
