The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
