i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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