Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
