Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
