Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Small penises have feelings too.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
