do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
