Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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