I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
