So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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