Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
