i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
