so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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