Pappa wants mamma naked
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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