Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
