Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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