if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
