come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
