Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
