Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
