Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
