There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
