just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
