Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
