i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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