Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
