I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
