I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
