...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she peed on how many people?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
