forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
